I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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