Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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