My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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