i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize