forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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