he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
