I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
