Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
