we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
