he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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