1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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