Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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