Fine. I'll sleep in my office
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
