Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
