I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
false alarm, still single
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
