I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
