Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
