Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
