Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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