How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
