woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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