Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
