Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
