remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
