I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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