She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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