every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
