I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
