Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
