so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
