You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
