I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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