i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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