i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
PANTIES FOUND
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