I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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