So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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