This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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