Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
