Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
