She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
