no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
sex in a hospital.. check
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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