i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
