so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
