Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
