i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
