I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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