A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
