i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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