hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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