im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
