Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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