In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
