Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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