I got chris browned last night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
