I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We left an ass print on the piano.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
