I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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