You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
