do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
