I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
