Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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