i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
