I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
