im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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