I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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