Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
