omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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