God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
