I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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