she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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