Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
