you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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