yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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