I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
