I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
