are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
