Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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